From Recurrent Pregnancy Loss to a Full-Term Pregnancy: Healing & Reclaiming

By Ntsakisi Maluleke

“Healing doesn’t erase our scars-it gives them purpose.”

When Motherhood Doesn’t Begin the Way You Imagined

There was a time when I thought motherhood would come easily. Like many women, I imagined it would happen when my husband and I were ready. Instead, we found ourselves walking a road we never expected-one marked by loss, unanswered questions, long seasons of waiting, and moments when hope felt incredibly fragile.

Looking back now, I realise my journey was never only about becoming a mother. It was also about becoming the woman I am today.

Meet Ntsakisi

My name is Ntsakisi Maluleke. I am 35 years old-a wife, mother, counselling psychologist, content creator, and storyteller at heart.

For the past ten years, I have been married to my best friend, whose unwavering love and support have carried me through some of life’s most difficult seasons.

Growing up, I always knew I loved media and storytelling. Along the way, that passion found a beautiful companion in psychology. Today, I have the privilege of walking alongside university students as they navigate life, mental health, and healing.

Outside my profession, you’ll usually find me in the kitchen. Cooking has always been one of my greatest joys. In many ways, cooking and storytelling are similar-they are both acts of love, connection, and care.

Above everything else, my greatest joy is my family. I am deeply intentional about my marriage, motherhood, and creating meaningful moments with the people I love.

The Dream of Motherhood

Like many women, I grew up believing life would follow a familiar pattern: go to school, build a career, get married, and then have children.I never imagined that becoming a mother would become the hardest chapter of my story.

After years of focusing on my studies and establishing my career, my husband and I decided we were ready to start our family. We were excited, hopeful, and full of expectation.

I had no idea this was only the beginning of a journey that would change my life forever.

The First Pregnancy and an Unexpected Diagnosis

Not long after falling pregnant, we attended what we believed would be a routine antenatal appointment.Instead, my gynaecologist told us that I had fibroids.I was terrified.He explained that there was a risk of complications, including premature labour. There was little to do except hope.

I come from a family of faith. My father is a pastor, and I genuinely believed that if God had entrusted me with this child, He would carry us through. I was frightened, but I was also deeply hopeful.

Losing Our Baby

At around 14 weeks, everything changed.I began experiencing severe pain without realising I was going into labour. What followed was one of the most traumatic experiences of my life, ending with the loss of our baby.Nothing prepares you for that kind of heartbreak.Returning to work felt impossible. Every hug, every expression of sympathy, and every well-meaning question reminded me of what I had lost.Through it all, my husband remained my safe place. Rather than pulling us apart, our loss drew us closer and deepened both our marriage and our faith.

Choosing Healing

Eventually, after giving myself permission to grieve, I underwent surgery to remove the fibroids.The procedure went well, and hope slowly began to return.

A few years later, after therapy, healing, prayer, and many honest conversations with my husband, I finally felt ready to try again.

Another Loss

When I fell pregnant again, I believed the hardest part was behind us.But only days after discovering I was pregnant, I miscarried.That loss was different.

The pregnancy had been so brief that I sometimes questioned whether I was even allowed to grieve it.Yet loss is still loss-no matter how early it happens.

After everything that had happened, I realised I had quietly started relating to life from a place of fear. It felt as though life had been unkind for a very long time.

Choosing Hope Again

More investigations followed, but there were no clear answers.My gynaecologist decided we would approach any future pregnancy differently.I was started on progesterone and supportive treatment from the very beginning, and at around 14 weeks I had a cervical cerclage.For the first time in a long time, I allowed myself to embrace pregnancy instead of simply fearing the outcome.Hope and fear existed together.But I chose hope.

Grace After Grief

Months later, we welcomed our beautiful daughter, Fanisa, into the world.Today she is two years old.When I look at her, I don’t only see my rainbow baby.I see grace after grief.She reminds me every single day that hope is never wasted.

From Personal Healing to Collective Healing

For a long time, infertility and pregnancy loss felt incredibly isolating.The moment I shared my story, I realised I had never been alone.Women began sharing their own experiences of infertility, miscarriage, reproductive grief, faith, and waiting.I didn’t share my story because I had all the answers.I shared it because I had done the work of healing.Therapy helped me process my grief.

My faith steadied me.By then, I was holding my rainbow baby in my arms.

I was no longer speaking from an open wound but from a place where healing had begun.

Healing & Reclaiming

Somewhere along my healing journey, I realised my story was never meant to end with me.

Healing & Reclaiming was born from the belief that when one woman finds the courage to tell her story, another woman finds the courage to keep going.

What began as sharing my own experience has become a space where other women are beginning to share theirs too.That same desire also led me to Mrs South Africa.For me, it has never only been about a crown.It has been about rediscovering confidence, finding my voice again, and becoming the woman I was always meant to be.

The Common Question Asked

One question changed the way I think about conversations around fertility:

“When are you having a baby?”Most people ask it with kindness.Few realise how much pain those words can carry.Rather than becoming offended, I chose to educate, because compassion begins with awareness.

A Message to Every Woman Walking This Journey

My faith has been the thread that has held every chapter of this story together.

Today, when I look at Fanisa, I see God’s faithfulness and a reminder that hope is never wasted.If I could sit with another woman walking this journey today, I would remind her:Your grief is real.Your pain is valid.You do not have to rush your healing.

There is no timeline for grief, and there is no measure of womanhood based on motherhood alone.Be gentle with yourself.Seek support.Allow yourself to hope again when you’re ready.

One of the biggest misconceptions about infertility and miscarriage is that they are rare.

They are not.They are simply quieter than many other forms of grief.

Breaking the Silence Around Pregnancy Loss

My hope is that our homes, churches, communities, and healthcare systems become places where women feel seen instead of judged-places where compassion replaces assumptions and where healing is possible.

Healing Doesn’t Erase the Scars

There was a time when I believed this story was about becoming a mother.

Today I know it was about so much more.It was about healing.It was about reclaiming pieces of myself I thought were lost.It was about discovering a faith that could withstand heartbreak, a marriage that could carry grief, and a purpose that could transform pain into hope.If this chapter of my life has taught me anything, it is this:

Healing doesn’t erase our scars-it gives them purpose.

As I continue this journey through Healing & Reclaiming, motherhood, and Mrs South Africa, I know this isn’t the end of my story.

It is simply the beginning of a beautiful new chapter.

Please follow my Mrs SA journey on instagram and let’s continue this conversation- Ntsaky Maluleke.

EPIFEM Queen- Ntsaky